The Things I'll Never Get To Say
by Leopardheart-Naux-Kadaj
Summary: This is Cloud's poem for Zack's death. Warning: Depression will ensue, come at your own risk. *Slight Cloud/Zack if you wanna take it that way


_The Things I'll Never Get To Say_

**A/N: I don't own Final Fantasy VII or it's characters (c) Square Enix. I watched Zack Fair die and I just... needed to write this. And yet, it doesn't seem like it's enough, y'know? He deserved to live, not some freaking fanfiction commemorating his honorable death. Zack Fair was a freaking hero... And I have this on-going sense of wanting to cry because god, Zack was so freaking amazing and Cloud's scream after Zack dies is just too emotional and I swear, my soul fucking SHATTERED... That and my sister is still sniffling beside me... Anyway, this is to honor Zack Fair, 1st Class SOLDIER, and a true hero. Here you go, R.I.P.  
>Warning: Character Death<br>Rated: T for character death, angst etc  
>Pairings: Erm, none, unless you take this the wrong way...<br>**

I wasn't much of a talker like you  
>You knew that, accepted it<br>But that gave me no excuse to not say these things  
>Especially at a time like this<br>I crawl toward you  
>Weak<br>Every movement  
>Harsh and unforgiving<br>I see you're not moving at all, sword still in hand  
>I keep trying to reach you<br>Finally I make it  
>Reaching your side, sitting up<br>You look so broken  
>Bloody, bruised and shot<br>_"Z-zack..." _I manage weakly  
>Even in this terrible state<br>You smile at me, "_For both of us."  
><em>I don't understand  
>I don't understand at all<br>_"For... both of us?" _I ask  
>You nod, "<em>That's right... You're gonna..."<br>"You're gonna..." _I prompt you to continue  
>You grab the back of my head<br>Your fingers grasping my blonde, rain-soaked hair  
>You pull me down<br>Pressing my face against your chest  
>Pressing my face into your blood<br>_"Live," _you breathe quietly.  
><em>"You'll be..."<br>_You pause to take a breath, slowly getting weaker  
><em>"My living legacy..."<br>_Your hand releases me  
>I sit up<br>Not wanting to hear you breathe so fragilely  
>Not wanting to know what I know<br>Your blood covers the right side of my face  
>I don't care, I leave it there<br>I can only stare  
>As words gather in my mind<br>But can't seem to push past my lips  
>You look over at your Buster Sword<br>And with every ounce of strength you can muster  
>You lift it up and drag it towards you and me<br>It physically hurts me to watch you  
>To watch you struggle<br>To watch you bring it over  
>Because I know how weak you are<br>Because I know what this means  
>And I'm too numb to say anything<br>Too in denial to want to admit this to myself  
><em>"My honor, my dreams," <em>you tell me now  
>As you push the sword to me<br>_"They're yours now."  
><em>I reach out and grab it with one hand  
>In silence<br>In reluctant acceptance  
>I take it with my other hand too after a moment<br>To lift this heavy burden from you  
>To display that I accept this<br>Your honor  
>Your dreams<br>As my own  
>Your hand briefly touches mine<br>A comrade-to-comrade move  
>With a friend-to-friend meaning<br>I don't want to pull away  
>Because I know<br>Beneath this numbness  
>That it's the last time you'll touch me<br>Before it's... you're...  
>I pause for a moment<br>The way you say living  
>Shows you accept you're dying<br>In a way that I can't  
>Not yet<br>But this,  
>This is what you wanted<br>_I'm... your living legacy, _I murmur back  
>Pulling your sword<br>-Now mine-  
>Close to me<br>You close your eyes  
>And you smile<br>I wait a moment  
>Thinking you'll have one last remark<br>A sign that I can still say my share  
>But I watch, struggling to find words<br>As your chest stops moving  
>As your lungs stop working<br>As your mind stops thinking  
>As you leave me behind<br>You leave me to be your legacy  
>But I'm not ready!<br>This isn't right  
>This isn't fair<br>This can't be how it ends  
>I can't do this...<br>I look up to the skies  
>And I scream<br>A primal, gutteral howl of agony  
>A heart-wrenching sound of undying affection<br>A soul-shattering cry of misery  
>An echoing embodiment of pain<br>A howl, a cry, a **scream**  
>In a way I didn't know I could<br>But that was mine  
>My scream<br>For you  
>My grief<br>My agony  
>My loss<br>Your sacrifice was noble  
>You are a hero<br>You are **my **hero  
>You were more than that<br>More than a comrade  
>More than a hero<br>More than a mentor  
>More than a SOLDIER<br>More than a friend  
>You were my best friend<br>I feel empty  
>Seeing you there<br>Your body so motionless  
>Dead<br>No, I can't  
>Think it<br>Say it  
>It makes me want to scream again<br>I stand  
>Slowly,<br>Painfully,  
><em>"Good night," <em>I whisper  
>Because goodbye<br>Would just tear me apart  
>As if your sacrifice didn't already<br>Do just that  
>And if I let myself, I can pretend<br>Your chilling stillness  
>Your closed eyes<br>Your peaceful smile  
>Is just because you're sleeping<br>I walk away  
>More like I trudge<br>Battered and weary and hurt  
>All over<br>Inside and out  
>I drag your-my-sword<br>As if it's too heavy to carry  
>Holding onto it<br>Is more than its own weight  
>It's all my memories of you<br>When you taught me to be a SOLDIER  
>It's all the good times<br>When we laughed and smiled  
>It's all of the times you were there<br>When I needed you  
>It's when you carried me<br>When I wasn't strong enough  
>It's when you saved me<br>When I couldn't do the same for you  
>And besides all of that<br>I'm dragging beside me  
>All of what I never did<br>The things I never said  
>The things you'll never know<br>The things I didn't tell you  
>I'm sorry<br>So sorry  
>For not telling you<br>My mentor  
>My comrade<br>My hero  
>My SOLDIER<br>My best friend  
>Please<br>Understand  
>That I always have<br>That I always will  
>Even though I never said it<br>Not to you  
>But still,<br>Forever and always  
>I love you, Zack Fair<p>

**Another A/N: I'm probably going to write another Zack-centric songfic, to the song **_Broken by Seether ft Amy Lee_. **Not exactly Cloud/Zack, more of their close friendship because damn, his death is really, really making me suffer and depressed. And I write when I'm depressed... Reviews would be nice but y'know, you don't have to...**


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